As most people are excited and joyfully say Happy New Year...I'm not quite there. I am dreading this year, ok, I'm dreading 3/17 this year. It will be 5 years but I don't want to get into that right now.
Our Christmas was good. Sean checked to make sure Santa ate his cookies and Keira was just proving that there really is no baby left in her. We donated to a food bank in Connor's memory this year.
No one really mentioned Connor to me this year. No one offered to light a candle for him or donate for him (and if they did they didn't tell me). It makes me sad but I wasn't very bothered by it. I think I'm in a place where these holidays are really for my living children and Connor is just for me that day. But what it does do is freak me out for whether people will remember his anniversary.
It's funny...I've started feeling like I could relate to people again and wham...I'm smacked with how different we are. We were out watching a football game yesterday when somehow we got on the topic of mothers & mother-in-laws in the delivery room. We were asked "but weren't you freaked out that your baby would have one leg, etc"...hmmm...NOPE, I was freaked that my baby was going to DIE.
The funny part is I used to be upset that I was different. Now, I'm kinda proud of the things that I worry about versus what others do.