I finally did some reading this evening and two things really jumped out at me...
1.) A mother was expressing the jealously upon hearing news of twins (she lost a twin).
"Sometimes it's quiet and only whispers. Sometimes the whispers become screams. "
It just seems to sum up so many things!
2.) A short questionnaire that made me really think about Connor:
1 In a word, how would you characterize yourself before your loss, and then after?
2 How do you feel around pregnant women?
For women not a part of the deadbabyland or infertility: Jealous...of the innocence...of the happiness...of their success.
For the "club" women: Hope and fear that they will get that deep breath when they hear their baby cry.
3 How do you answer the 'how many children' question?
For the most part, I pretty much answer with 3. The only alternative when not a direct question like this is "I have two at home".
4 How did you explain what happened to your lost baby to your living children? Or, if this was your first pregnancy, will you tell future children about your first?
I plan to tell my living children. I just hope Connor means something more than the answer response to "what's your brother's name".
5 What would another pregnancy mean to you, and how would you get through it—or are you done with babymaking?
We are done!!!!
6 Imagine being able to step back in time and whisper into the ear of your past self the day after your baby died. What would you say?
I'm actually going to change this question into three parts:
What would I whisper to myself the day after...it's ok to ask to hold him again if you want to.
What would I whisper to myself the day I delivered him...don't be afraid, take as many pictures of him as you can
What would I whisper to myself the day I found out he was gone...this was not your fault and preventing people from being a part of his birth would be your biggest regret