Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Still feeling a little robbed...

So my dear friend had her beautiful second daughter this past Friday. This time around was different then the first in relation to me. Let me try to explain...

For Connor's pregnancy, her due date for her first daughter was only five days after Connor's due date. We were suppose to get to have this cute story and take maternity leave together, etc. Only instead I said goodbye to my child and feared the day she would deliver hers. We had been open with each other and she waited a until the initial excitement slowed to call me to tell me the news. At first, I was relieved then the flood of sadness, jealously, envy...well, you name it came over me. I sobbed for the rest of the day. Ok, I sobbed for days. I went to their home and met this beautiful little girl but I kept looking at my friend and noticing that her arms were empty and my child was no where to be seen. I am thankful my friend acknowledged that my grief was not her or her daughter's doing but that I had to process all of it. She is a true friend.

So when she told me she was pregnant again, I was still pregnant with Keira. My thoughts were at the end of that pregnancy and I didn't really think about the differences. However, when I got the call the DAY that she went in for labor and was at the hospital that evening. It smacked me right it the face. We were robbed of this bonding. We were robbed of the experience of raising our first together and bringing a second into the world at the same time. I'm thankful our friendship survived but I'm feeling sad that I missed so much. I'm feeling sad that my family will never feel complete.

But I'm also feeling grateful that I could be there this time. That I held her second daughter and was able to just focus on her. She's absolutely beautiful and her mom is one amazing woman. I'm so thankful she had a happy ending.